“But What I Didn’t Say”

Our featured work this week is the moving poem “But What I Didn’t Say” by Emmanuel Abdulai. Emmanuel is a sophomore Houghton Buffalo student studying English. He was born in West Africa in The Gambia, but grew up in the United States in Orchard Park, New York. When asked about his inspiration and a quote about his poem, Emmanuel responded,

My inspirations range far, but my strongest inspiration is actually my future self. The author I aspire to grow into. There’s so many messages and stories in my heart and mind that I wish to express, I’m already proud of the author that has yet to be shown. Not only for his messages, but for being able to stay true to the path he has chosen, regardless of the bumps that may come. As for the quote… [the poem is] about a friend I lost. And to her – I hope you’re doing well. The physical appearance may have wisped away, but that doesn’t change that the spirit is still with me. And it always will be. Immortalized in both my heart, but also in my writing.

“But What I Didn’t Say”

– Emmanuel Abdulai

But what I didn’t say is that I hate you.
I hate the way you always show me that bright, beautiful smile every day.
I hate the way you always seem to shine brighter than anyone around you
I hate the way you never seemed to feel down, even when the darkness would crowd around
and engulf you
I hate the way you managed to fight off those monsters in my head who always would be
picking on me, making me feel so terrible after.
I hate the way you always would form a rainbow in the middle of my thunderstorms.
I hate the way my heart always leapt so happily just at the sight of you.
I hate the way you always would make me feel so happy about living on this earth, if it just
meant I could see you again.
I hate the way your smile began to fade, when life decided it had enough of your positivity.
I hate the way you looked, after he was stupid enough to hit you.
I hate the way your car looked, smashed, and crackled against his.
I hate the way you hid that fear behind that bright, beautiful smile when we found out the injuries
were fatal.
I hate the way the sight of your broken body cracked my heart into several fragments of itself.
I hate the immense amounts of love I still felt for you when you took my hand during those last
days.
I hate how I can still remember the sound of your last laugh, as if it were the only thing you
could offer me.
I… I really, really hate you. Because of how much I loved you.

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